Fat Mom / Fit Mom

Written by Mary Katherine

I had a “fat day” yesterday. I mean, my weight didn’t change all that much. It was probably more of a confidence thing. But as I stepped outside and the hot sun touched my skin, the poisonous thoughts were already starting.

Great, summer weather. Time to put on sleeveless shirts and shorts and walk around like a busted can of biscuits.

I sighed and drudged back inside, the sunshine and breeze completely soured by low self-esteem.

At the doctor’s office, a confident blonde walked into the room. The pediatrician met my eye, smiled warmly, and began asking questions about my child.

I couldn’t stop my arms from crossing over my stomach. I couldn’t help the constant tugging at my shirt. And as much as I hated myself for it, I resented Dr. Blondie for being so. . . fit.

In the car, I cranked up All About That Bass, trying to convince myself that “every inch of me was perfect from the bottom to the top.” I turned the volume down just long enough to order a spicy chicken sandwich.

“With a large Coke Zero, please.”

So I’m home and unloading Ben from his car seat when two attractive women jog past my driveway pushing their Bobs. Freaking bouncy ponytails and everything. Chattering back and forth in happy voices.

Nice weather for a run, right?

Yeah! We should get smoothies after!

OMG yes! And then we can go bathing suit shopping!

Their endorphin-laced happiness annoyed the crap out of me. Who the heck ENJOYS shopping for bathing suits? I grabbed my Wendy’s bag and made the Walk of Shame to my curbside trash.

 

Today, I have a confession to make.  It’s a hard, embarrassing truth.

I, Mary Katherine, am a fat mom.

No, don’t argue. I don’t think I’m ugly. I’m just really stinking overweight. It’s the cold, clinically-speaking truth. Sure, I have a million reasons and a thousand excuses, but none of them matter to me anymore. They just don’t. The more time I talk about how I got to this incredibly hefty place, the longer I will stay here.

And I can’t stay here.

Being fat makes me mean. It makes me tired. It makes me miserable to shop with, go to the beach with, and take pictures with. I don’t like to be that person who screens every Facebook picture before they are posted. I don’t like to feel a sour smirk form on my face when a healthier woman shows up wearing the same dress as me. I’m not proud that I’ve avoided social events because I don’t feel confident in my skin.

It’s unfair to me, unfair to my husband. . . and yes: It’s very unfair to my kids.

How can I worry about childhood obesity if I model poor eating habits at home?

How can I teach my child confidence and kindness when I get huffy around fit women?

And how can I focus on fun at the playground when I can’t stop worrying about the back fat showing through my T-shirt?

I’d be lying to say my weight doesn’t affect every area of my life. It does. It’s not that I’m vain. And, please don’t worry–I’m not depressed, either. I’m just finally being honest. I am 179 pounds and a size 14. I accept where I am.

Acceptance is the first step toward change.

The next step?

Change.

 

Once again, it’s time to begin my journey from Fat Mom to Fit Mom. Because. . . 

1) Watching my children grow up should be reason enough. I want to live longer. Every year I earn with my babies will worth the sweat.

2) I want to live happier. No more hiding in the back of family pictures. No more sketchy instagram cropping. I want to be proud of my body.

3) I want to feel comfortable in my skin. I hate looking at a picture and feeling like, Who is that? I don’t need to be skinny to be confident. But I do need to be healthy.

4) Jealousy is ugly and it doesn’t make me feel good. I’m turning envy into action. I won’t drool over my girlfriend’s blue jeans, I will borrow them. Eventually.

Maybe you are wondering why I would do this publicly. I’m wondering the same thing. I typed and deleted my weight and pants size four times before leaving it. The final resolution was to keep it.

I have two reasons.

1) I hope that someone will join me. If you are overweight and miserable, don’t STAY THERE. We can do this thing. (no worries, I’m not selling anything…just gonna eat less and exercise more. You know, the old fashioned way.)

2)I know that this Mom Babble tribe will be a great source of support. I will be reaching out to my Fit Mom friends for recipes, work outs, and lifestyle tips. And I will be sharing them here, alongside my success and failures.

I want to be a better person for myself and for my family. My faith and mind aren’t the only thing that need exercise. It turns out, my fanny needs it to.

So if you’ll excuse me, I’m headed out for a run. And I’d appreciate your prayers and support.

Love,

A Fat Mom

About The Author


MomBabble

Mary Katherine is a southerner, born and raised. Growing up in Alabama, she developed an affinity for lightning bugs, sweet tea, playing guitar, and having strong opinions. She's happily married with a son (Nugget) and two fur babies. Fun facts: MK is a living kidney donor, speaks a little Thai, and has written two novels.

33 Comments

  1. MK— Me me me! I will join you! It’s like these words were straight out of my mouth! Not only have I not lost the “baby weight” ( from two years ago!!) but continued to gain! I keep making excuses and reasons my clothes are snug or I need a bigger size. I need and want to join you from fat to fit!!

    1. I am starting with Couch to 5k and eating healthy! I’m also using LoseIt app to track nutrition. I would much prefer Weight Watchers, but the former is free. And are still on residency budget!! You can do this Cayleigh!! Let’s get healthy!!

  2. Don’t give up! It takes time to get into new habits (years) and to learn to think new thoughts. I am a recovered bulimic and face this shit every day- the body loathing… Hang in there and be patient and kind to yourself- that’s the hardest part.

  3. Hey! Good for you! It’s hard, but know that makes it less stressful. Find foods and exercise that make you happy. Because if it is a chore, it’s not fun.

  4. I have 4 babies worth of baby weight to lose. After Monkey was born, I just have not been able to get the weight off. I am so wanting to get into shape. I don’t care about being skinny, but I want to be healthy.

  5. While I take issue with the word “fat” (for SO many reasons; not your use of it for yourself alone), I totally feel you on the wanting to be more HEALTHY and FIT so that we can live on this earth with our families and friends as LONG as possible. Just set reasonable goals and ignore any doctor’s charts! A happy & healthy weight/look for me is around 165/170 and I’m 5’3! That still makes me a size 10/12 but I feel like I freakin ROCK at that size! I 1000% support your choices and I had my own Day of Reckoning a few years ago. You can find me at any time for encouragement or support. <3

    1. Yah…”fat” probably wasn’t the kindest word, but I hate there is a stigma associated with it. All that aside..I look best in a 10 and weighing about 150. Any smaller and my eyes bug out like a lemur. 🙂 I would love any tips you have!!

  6. Once upon a time I was a “fat mom” too. But the worst part about it was that I didn’t even realize it. I was so busy being a mom, a wife and all of the other things that I was that I forgot about being me. I made the choice to change and I have been on this journey for some time. But I have made considerable progress! Every day will be a challenge AND every day will be a success that will bring you one step closer to your goals! Good luck!

  7. I am 5’3 and 184. A size 16 but I have a large butt, so very difficult to go shopping with. I’m trying to lose weight, have always been heavier then most but still looked thin. I used to be 5’3 and 135 and thought that was fat. Now I am also tired of the excuses, and you’re right it does affect everything in your life. I am that person who has grown insecure with every pound I put on. So maybe by shedding some weight I can gain back that confidence that I used to carry with pride and sass. I’ve looked at pintrest, YouTube, weekly prepping lunch, crockpot meals, crossfit, counting calories, downloading apps, etc etc. I don’t like to est the foods that I used to est. used to love eating fruits, carrots with ranch, salad etc,now I like to eat, chocolate and kettle pop corn. I want to, need to, will lose weight. Maybe we can motivate each other. Good luck! And I mean it!

  8. Just started reading your blog today, and so many articles are spot on with my experience – this one included. I’ve just turned 34 and realised..I don’t want to be the fat mama. So here’s to being healthier by the time I hit 35. Also, myfitnesspal is a great calorie tracker too 🙂 My son was born Sept 2013 also, and yes..the toddlerhood kicking in here too. I thought it was meant to start age 2. Oh dear.

    1. I absolutely love myfitnesspal! I have found a little more success using LoseIt, though. Probably because it’s what I started out learning. I will be saying many prayers and sending well wishes your way. I healthier mom is a happier mom. Let’s do this!

  9. Good luck and go you! I had trouble after my first kiddo, the weight never came off, and I didn’t want to compound the issue with my second… so I’ve tried to watch my intake and did the Couch to 5k for the second time (they have a smart phone app that is soooo helpful) and it feels good to slip back into pre-baby jeans! Whoo whoo! Go get ’em!

    (Tell you what though, I STILL hate shopping for jeans. 😛 )

  10. I had felt this way…making a change and taking action not only for your kids and husband but for yourself is so important! One of the first steps is our words we say to ourselves. Be kind to your own heart with what you tell yourself and you will find motivation follows. 🙂

    1. Thank you for the encouragement! This post was written last year, and since that time I made healthier choices and found that self-kindness was verrrry important. Headed to grab that Bible verse now ❤️❤️

  11. I am going through this very thing right now. I’ve only been doing this for a month but I have lost 6 pounds with only minor setbacks. Sometimes a mom needs wine….that cannot be helped, lol. Thanks for sharing….I needed this today.

  12. Thanks for posting this! I’ve been really struggling with this issue just the past couple of weeks. My problem is that I just LOVE food way too much.

    1. For real, Randal Park Saraceni. I’ve been looking at gyms for the past couple of weeks, but haven’t joined anywhere bc I can’t figure out when I can go. Plus, I think about do I pay for gym membership when I could try to be disciplined and work out on my own or piano/swim/soccer/baseball/etc for my kids?

  13. This. I’ve struggled with every word written here since I was 9. And it is about being healthy, and feeling confident. Congrats to you for recognizing it & being honest. Busted can of biscuits, I feel the same way every fall. Thank you.

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