My Toddler Makes Me Quit

Maybe it was Halloween or the full moon or the candy or Lord, I don’t know. Maybe Nugget is allergic to gluten? Or maybe my child has some kind of spiritually possessed toy that drives him to do these things.

All I know is my kid turned one last month and the strangest thing happened: Some evil little switch was turned on inside his brain.

He ran away from me at the park. He launched his sippy cup across the kitchen and cackled when milk exploded like a dairy grenade across my cabinets. He bit the dog. Punched his cousin.

At first I was in denial. My child couldn’t be intentionally bad…right? It’s all a huge misunderstanding.

The milk was probably sour. The dog kinda smells like bacon. Maybe Addie deserved a good punch?

No.

All justifications died when Ben looked me deadpan in the eyes, pinched the snot out of my inner thigh, and yelled “Ow!”

Ow, my heart. Such was my introduction to Toddlerhood.

I was not prepared for this. The first time my child threw himself unto the ground and writhed around like a salted earthworm, I could only stare. People were judging. Passers-by shook their heads.

Oh, that kid? I don’t know him. He doesn’t even look like me.

You may ask me: Why was he pitching these fits? Oh, sister…let me share! Maybe with a little insight you can decode my troubles.

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This tantrum is brought to you by Milkbone. More specifically, my kid wanting to eat one.

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See that tiny spatula? He wanted to shove it in a light socket. I know. I’m the killer of all things fun.

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I spy a red shoe with a bow. I spy a tantrum that resulted when the shoe didn’t fit.
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What do you mean I can’t chew on the end of an electrical phone charger?

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Generally quitting at life because I wouldn’t let him run in front of a tractor.
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And honestly, I want to quit too.

What happened to the Terrible Twos? I mean, Nugget is only thirteen months old!!

Oh.

My.

Gosh.

That has to be it!   Thirteen.

Why didn’t I think of that?!

I bet we will get this all straightened out in a week or so.

….HEY! WHAAA….GET OUT OF THE TOILET!!!

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Gah, you are RUINING my life, MOM!

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I quit.

About The Author


MomBabble

Mary Katherine is a southerner, born and raised. Growing up in Alabama, she developed an affinity for lightning bugs, sweet tea, playing guitar, and having strong opinions. She's happily married with a son (Nugget) and two fur babies. Fun facts: MK is a living kidney donor, speaks a little Thai, and has written two novels.

8 Comments

  1. Oh man am I glad too see another mom going through the struggle, I was starting to think I was failing as a mom. My two year old is now throwing her self on the floor telling me “No, I don’t want to take a nap, I don’t have to if I don’t want to.” so naturally her little brother is following along with her like its a game. The daily struggle of mother hood. I wouldn’t change it for nothing. When I see them playing together and looking after each other and most of all SLEEPING like angels it makes it all worth it. this is the first blog of yours I have read, and it is too funny. Best of luck with the terrible…1, 2, 3….20’s?

  2. Hahaha yuuuuuup! Sometimes the only thing that keeps me from going crazy is just laughing at how ridiculous he’s being. Poor toddlers…their lives are SO HARD.

  3. This is my life with Gavin these days. Sadly most days I don’t have the energy to fight him!! It’s exhausting! Glad I’m not the only one!

    1. You are not alone. I think there is a ginormous tribe of horrified toddler moms waiting to come out of the wood work lol

  4. I can’t imagine what you babble mommas are talking about. My two boys were absolutely perfect and never caused one problem from age 0-19! Now, daughters………You could end up in a real PICKLE!!!!!!

  5. I have found that the odd years are the hardest. Except two…that’s hard. Maybe it’s the prime numbers…That’s a good theory too. Or maybe they’re all hard in different ways and we gotta live through them and search for the light in each day.

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